Have you gone through this? You got so angry that your whole body starts to become hot and tensed.
You feel out of control and thoughts related to the situation keeps on rolling in your mind making things worse.
And sometimes this can last for hours or even the next day.
How do you deal with your anger?
Before I explain it to you. I would like to congratulate you. You have taken the first step right.
You have acknowledged the fact that how miserable you are when you are angry. That’s why you want to get rid of it and it’s a great start.
Now that we know the problem and want to solve it permanently.
Here are a few steps to start with
1. Being aware of your anger
It’s easier said than done.
The feeling, while you are angry makes it very difficult for you to be aware of your anger.
It’s so overpowering you being aware of yourself getting angry becomes difficult.
Sometimes you are not even aware of your words you may say something to somebody which you didn’t intend to say.
What’s the way around then?
If you want to be aware of anger when it’s arising or starts to overpower you. You need to change your habit pattern the way you react to things.
If you stop reacting and being aware when you are not angry it will slowly start to change your habit pattern also it’s easier to be aware when you are not angry and feeling out of control.
2. Cultivate patience
This may sound as very cliche advice. But this one is really effective.
Cultivating patience has way more advantages than just helping you with your anger.
Patience can help you get huge wins over the years in stock markets.
But the real question is…
How to cultivate patience?
1. Do things which irritate or make you uncomfortable
Yes, doing these things in small steps can help you cultivate patience.
Let’s say if you trying to say something to someone and they are unable to listen to it.
And you have to repeat yourself multiple times after 3-4 times and you may start getting irritated and anger starts arsing.
Now you need to observe yourself see how anger arises and make you miserable.
You can do this practice with whatever you feel makes you angry irritated. Repeat it and try not to react and just observe.
2. Read/Do extremely boring things
You can try reading things which require a lot of focus from you and can feel frustrating.
For example, you can read terms of usage for a product. Now you need to see your frustration impatience as it is without reacting to it.
You may even see the clock moving for 5 minutes how each second passes.
This practice can be really frustrating sometimes. Just don’t be too hard with yourself.
Do it to the point where you are in control and able to see it as it is.
3.Cultivate Love and Kindness for all
This practice can also be related to Metta Meditation or love and kindness meditation.
When you are in a good mood, relaxed. Maybe in the morning when you had a really good deep night sleep.
You can say “The peace I am experiencing inside me, the happiness I am experiencing may all the beings experience the same may all be happy and be peaceful”
You can say it out loud or you can say it inside your head and closing your eyes.
Secondly, you can say “I don’t hold any grudges against anyone for my good, my freedom I forgive everyone and set myself free from inside”
4. Practice sitting meditation
You can start practising sitting meditation starting small maybe 1 minute a day and then you can eventually create a meditation routine.
The practice is really simple you just have to see your breath arising passing and see whatever you feel without any judgment/reaction to it.
It may be anything sensations, feelings don’t matter. Just see it as it is. Remember they all have basic nature to arise and pass.
There is no point reacting and creating misery.
Don’t worry about thoughts too.
They too will arise and pass just keep a note of everything and be mindful.
5. Practice walking meditation
You can practise walking meditation and this can even be done while you go for your morning walk, an evening walk or maybe even to your office. Here is a complete guide on how to practice walking meditation.
6. Let go your Ego
We all have ego and attachment to me, mine until you are a fully liberated being(an enlightened being).
Whenever someone points a finger towards this me the image you have created of yourself in your mind over the years it makes you uncomfortable.
You need to learn the art of letting go of your ego. Question yourself in silence who am I.
Am I this body which kept changing over the years.
Try to be mindful of the attachment you have with yourself, your body and whatever you feel is yours.
This maybe your car, house etc. Try to be mindful of why you feel bad when someone tries to hurt this me and mine.
Even if they are not trying to hurt physically.
Why do you feel bad by just hearing some words against this me and mine?
Ask yourself these questions in silence and be mindful of your thoughts, feelings and sensations. See them as they are.
7. Silence is your best friend
Don’t speak until it’s better than silence ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Whenever you feel you are getting frustrated and anger is arising. Just give yourself a gentle reminder you need to silent for your own good.
Just be silent don’t speak anything. You can even go to a place where you can sit alone in silence and be mindful of your anger.
This can help tremendously and also avoid useless arguments. Can also give time to another person to reflect on themselves.
This can improve your relationships and understanding in the long run.
8. Don’t be afraid to say sorry
Sometimes you may realise later that it was your mistake after your anger has passed away. Don’t shy away from saying sorry.
You can go to the other person and say them sorry from your heart. And when you say it genuinely the other person will feel it.
Don’t let your ego overpower you and stop you. Saying sorry will help you dissolve your ego and make you very peaceful and relaxed.
9. Cultivate compassion
Cultivating compassion can help you a lot not just with anger management but being peaceful and happy.
You can help others with your whole heart in it.
When you help others it comes back to you after getting multiplied
Make sure you are helping someone out of compassion, goodwill not out of ego.
You can donate to causes you believe in. You can help someone learn the skill you have.
10. Understand anger is not Bad
You need to tell yourself anger is just like any other emotion which will arise and pass away.
Arising of anger, sensations, thoughts and feelings along with it are not bad.
But the reaction and judgment to them can harm. If you just be mindful of them it’s can’t harm you and help eradicate the problem forever.
11. Discuss with people who care
You can discuss with people who care for you they maybe your friends, mother or anyone. Just share your thoughts with them while you are angry.
This can help you feel light and reduce some burden.
After you feel light you can be mindful or practice sitting meditation to see more clearly and solve the root cause of your problem.
You can try these points above but sometimes you may need to get back to control immediately. Here are a few things on
How to get rid of anger immediately?
1. Take a cold shower bath
If you observe very deeply how the anger arises you will understand.
When anger arises it makes your body hot and these hot, stressful sensations arise along with that.
And as you react to these sensations you become angrier.
This is a temporary solution but can help in getting back to control immediately.
You can take a cold water shower which will alter these sensations for some time and you can get some control back.
And then you can be mindful of your feelings, sensations and thoughts. See them arising passing without any reaction or judgment.
2. Go for a walk alone
You can go for a short walk alone. As you start walking you may feel thoughts still going through your mind. Let them flow.
Also if you feel it very frustrating and feel very uncomfortable.
You can run fast for some distance and then again start walking.
This will help you calm yourself for some time.
Once you are in control. Try to be mindful.
You can exercise for some time. This can help you release some of your anger through physical body movements.
Also, it can help you get if the present moment. But this is also a temporary solution and won’t help in removing the root cause of your anger.
4. Take a small Nap
Taking a small nap can help you restart yourself. This can be very effective.
Once you wake up be aware of your body, thoughts and sensations. You can practice sitting meditation after you get up.
Now it will be easier for you to be mindful and cut the roots of anger.
5. Make sure you are not hungry
Always hungry means always angry
Hunger causes some sensations in your body which are to indicate you that you should feed yourself.
But sometimes if you are not mindful of these sensations are reacting to them.
It will cause more anger to arise which will cause more sensations and this cycle will continue making the situation worse for you.
Keep yourself full but avoid overeating.
You can manage your anger and set yourself free.
Being mindful of your anger and the misery it brings to you is the path to get freedom from it.
Be patient and see things as they are and you can have full control of yourself with you. Be happy! Be peaceful!